Hey @tcedarwilson,
Thanks for sharing your use-case here 
To start, I did want to clarify that at this time, I am afraid it is not natively possible to set the status or any column based on the formula column. This is a feature request that already exists in the community, so we encourage you to add your vote here to get this on our developers radar 
That said, there are a couple of third-party options within our Apps Marketplace you can explore, one of them being General Caster - is this something you’d be intersted in looking into to achieve this?